Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
