I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
