The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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