I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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