Just fell off a train. Bad.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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