Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
