glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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