i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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