Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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