k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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