Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
