youre lurking in front of me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Randomize
