don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
