If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
