I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
