i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
