last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
