threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
