my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
