Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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