May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
