i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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