girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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