Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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