Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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