why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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