erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
