I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she smelled like a LAN party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
