That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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