I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
