okay pat passed out under dana's car
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
