you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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