Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
