There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
