Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
