the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize