I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
