I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
