life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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