yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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