So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
