Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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