Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
