some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
