he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
