I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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