he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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