North Korea, Best Korea!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
