Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
