i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
