Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
