Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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