There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
