Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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