he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
