I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
