either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize