if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
