Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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