not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
