So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sober January is a disaster.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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