Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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