you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
