Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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