y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I could make wine with my vomit
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bring me that man meat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
