i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
