Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Randomize
