I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
