Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
