It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
where are my eyebrows?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
