just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
