I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my shit smells like andre
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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