So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
