I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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